Shadows Of Guta (Excerpt 537) Destiny
Stephen is to the point that death for him may be a blessing as well. Perhaps that is how it all works, life wears you down to the point you are begging for release. Time after time, he has tried to overcome the things that hold him back but over and over is defeated in his cause. At what point is he allowed to say enough is enough and end his own suffering by taking his own life?
This is not new to him, he has felt this way before, and to be pulled back to his childhood memories has merely impressed such dark thoughts. Who would miss him and what would it matter if his life ended? Helplessness has been fixed on him from as far back as he can remember and here he is now, by no means in control of his destiny.
Again, he finds himself comparing his suicidal feelings and need for action to those of his deranged grandmother; she too took her own life to rid herself from what she was living with. The only difference is that she created her problems, where Stephen feels he has simply been a victim to it all and rightly so, for what could he have possibly done to deserve this life. What turn did he make as a small child that forced him into this nightmare?