Doors To Mirrors (Excerpt 46) Fall
Stepping back and being very careful not to end up back out in the rainstorm, Viktor mimics his entrance to the building. Pushing the main door open, he makes sure it swings all the way until it hits the interior wall. Holding it there for several seconds, he then turns and shuts the main door completely. It is very dark in the room except for the occasional flicker of lightning and a soft glow from somewhere unknown. After all, this is a dream where not everything is revealed as precise as in real life.
Squinting his eyes, partly because of the darkness and partly because he is afraid to look at the wall fearing it will be just that, an empty wall, he turns. There it is; the new door, the mysterious next step to take his dreams deeper into this magical mystical world of the subconscious. A wide smile beams from his face as he slowly reaches for the handle. He is impressed with how easily it turns but once open, his smile fades slightly as he looks at the old wooden steps covered in what must be years of dust. Looking down as they descend, there does not appear to be an end, only darkness and depth.
Viktor presses his foot down on the first step to test their sturdiness and surprisingly they are very solid. Moving downward, he takes his time and tries to see where this staircase will end but so far, it seems to continue into a deeper realm. Suddenly, his foot slips on the dust and he begins to fall. Desperately he grabs hold of the rail but it breaks causing him to spiral down now free-falling into this deep well of empty space. He is thinking to himself, “If you fall in a dream and land, you die,” and then he is hit with the impact and pain from his fall as he closes his eyes tightly.
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Doors To Mirrors (Excerpt 45) Wall
After knocking a few times on the door that the woman entered into, there is still no answer. For some reason, this makes Viktor feel very sad, as if the love of his life is leaving him. Standing there, soaked with rainwater and extremely cold, he looks left and then right thinking he may possibly be at the wrong door. The storm is raging now and he knows he must take cover in order to protect himself from the elements. He also wants to make sure nothing drastic happens so he will continue dreaming. He does not want to wake up until he finds the mystifying girl who suddenly disappeared.
Shutting his eyes, he leans back from the door slightly as he uses his hand to wipe the rain from his face. When he looks up, the door is standing wide open exposing a dark entry hall immediately accessible to a staircase leading to upper floors. Stepping inside, all goes silent. Looking back at the street, the rain is pouring down with lightning flashing wildly, but absolutely no sound is coming from it. Viktor looks at the darkness at the top of the stairs.
“Hello?” He questions in a soft tone.
When he turns to close the main door behind him, he realizes he is in the exact room of his last dream. The one his alarm so rudely pulled him out of in the early morning hours. This is right where the strange new door appeared on the wall, but then just as he reached and grabbed hold of the knob, he was shocked into the waking world of morning routines and work. Here he is again, in this same spot as he moves the main door slightly and looks behind it hoping the new door is still there. Disappointed, the only thing exposed is a plain ordinary wall.
“How did I make that other door form? I just remember opening the regular door, and when I closed it, a new door had appeared on the wall.” He thinks to himself now more interested in this recurrence than finding the young woman who intrigues him so much. With the main door open, he pauses and tries to recall exactly what he did before.
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Doors To Mirrors (Excerpt 44) Defeated
Lightning bolts its way to the ground between Viktor and this mysterious young woman, causing him to nearly fall to his knees from the jolt. The earth is shaking under his feet as he tries to stand and the pounding rumble of thunder picks up in intensity. Holding his hands out to his sides, he steadies himself as he tries to catch a glimpse of the girl he wishes to communicate with.
There is something about her, something familiar but he does not remember working with her or meeting her before. He wonders if she reminds him of someone he met as a child, possibly in school but nothing clicks. Something is drawing him in her direction though and he knows he must find a way to speak with her. Perhaps she is a dream guide of sorts, or simply another dreaming traveler here in this world of mystery, yet there is a connection between them, he just knows it.
“Hey you!” He yells again as he begins walking forward. “Please stop!”
This time the young woman turns quickly to give him a glance, but then steps into one of the buildings just as rain begins to batter the ground. Viktor watches as the large drops move toward him and he raises the hood of his jacket to protect himself. Once at the door he believes she entered in to, he places his hand on the knob but it will not turn. He begins knocking at the door, softly at first but after no response, he pounds on it a little harder with his fist.
“Hello in there, will you please let me in?” He says in a calm voice but loud enough to be heard above the pelting rain. “I just want to talk to you, please.” He states with earnest as he leans his forehead on the pale lavender door as if defeated.
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Doors To Mirrors (Excerpt 43) Sprint
For Viktor, the recurring sequence of being in this village has never played out like this before. In the past, it is night, but a moonless one at best and with no clouds or storms in sight. This change in dynamics entices him and a feeling of excitement floods in for he knows tonight will be very different. Tonight he may finally move forward and begin a segment of new discoveries.
Slowly, Viktor begins walking down the road, the same road he has traveled many times. He has ventured into the various buildings in his prior dreams; in fact, it was one of the buildings, just the other night, that he discovered the new door. It was so strange, just appearing there on the wall that the other door had barely touched when opened all the way. The growling storm rumbles overhead pulling him back to his current state and just as he is about to duck into a business for safety, he sees her. Up ahead, several buildings in front of him is a girl he has caught only a glimpse of once or twice before. This time she is closer in distance and he begins to run to catch up.
“Hey!” He yells as he jogs after her.
She does not turn or act as if she hears him and she continues on her way, not increasing her steps but staying the same distance ahead of him.
“Ah I hate this!” Viktor says under his breath as he starts to sprint. “I’m running as fast as I can but making no headway at all. Hey! Please stop!” He yells at the young woman but again, he receives no response and no actions from her indicating she hears him.
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Doors To Mirrors (Excerpt 42) Conceal
Viktor finds himself in a very familiar place as lightning flickers off in the distance to his right and he steps down from the curb onto the cobblestone road. The tall buildings that skirt the edge of the street vary from gold toned brick and stucco to deep burgundy and chocolate-brown. Dim lanterns above the entrances to the dwellings swing slightly from the breeze flowing up the hill through the village. Their amber glow glides back and forth in varied patterns and timing.
From where he is at this moment, at the top of a gentle sloping hill, he can see the many passageways that twist and turn between the structures. This portion of the village is further down the street and it reminds him of a maze, which leads him to wonder if he is the rat.
“Ha ha, yes. . . that would be my luck.” He says to his dream-self.
This is the first time, even though he finds himself in this place nearly every night, Viktor is able to see this overview of the area. It is actually quite beautiful and he looks around somewhat amazed. Off to his left, rising up from behind a distant mountain range, is the largest full moon he has ever witnessed. Beneath nature’s light, he sees green rolling hills divided only by a few white gravel roads, which in the light of the moon, appear to glow as if lit from underneath. The buildings of the village are now soaked in their own rich tones as this light brightens them with depth and mystery.
To Viktor’s right, the lightning storm approaches with glowing clouds and gusts of wind, as if frantically traveling to snuff out the moons brightness. Rolling and rumbling, the squall seems to charge at him angry and determined, snapping a cold blast of mist-filled wind across his face. He cannot help but assume this to be a forerunner of what is to come, either here in his dream or possibly in his waking life.
“What are you trying to conceal?” Viktor mumbles in his dream as he watches the clouds overtake the radiance of the moon.
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Doors To Mirrors (Excerpt 41) Opening
“Doors in dreams represent the manifestation of dreams and places allowing the constant opening of new doors in real life if you choose to use them.” He reads. “The meaning behind this is; the world is a vast place that should never grow old. You should always keep opening new doors.”
“Yeah, number one. . . I have to get out of this miserable, disgusting, and detrimental to my health job.” Viktor looks up.
He is in a room full of little workspaces and in each cubical is a person, just like him, sitting quietly doing their job, talking on the phone with clients, and probably wishing they were anywhere but here. In his mind, the term “there has to be more to life than this,” keeps repeating in a monotone manner.
“The world is a vast place that should never grow old,” he reads again, “and you should always keep opening new doors.”
It did not take long for Viktor to fall asleep on this cool evening. The mental drain of his brainpower at the office had numbed him to the bitter core. Once home, he did not want to think, eat, or do anything that may have activated his thought processes. Grabbing a cold craft beer from his refrigerator, he slowly walked to his living room while sipping from the bottle, and then fell back onto his leather sofa with a heavy thud.
Slouching where he sat down, he kept staring at the blank wall willfully wishing the evening would end so he could go to bed. In fact, the more he thought about it, he just wanted to quickly finish his beer and end this wretched day. He accomplished his goal rather quickly and within minutes of his head hitting the pillow, he slipped into a deep state of dreaming.
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Doors To Mirrors (Excerpt 40) Trivial
Viktor despises that he has turned into one of those men who sits, trapped at a desk and computer all day, dress shirt buttoned all the way to the neck and with absolutely no physical activity, unless he gets up to go to the bathroom or grab a cup of coffee.
In no way does he find enjoyment in his job. There is absolutely nothing about it that appeals to him and everyday is as boring, dull, and lifeless as the last. He would give anything to be able to walk away and never return. Of course, he has a few choice words he would wish to speak before turning in his name badge and keys, but he knows they will be accurate and flow quite freely from his lips without the need for a rehearsal.
“Well, this is amazing, Vik.” States his manager as he reads over the proposal.
Viktor knows Travis will take full credit for the details he laid out so articulately. It happens time and time again in meetings, during webinars, and phone calls. Comments or suggestions Viktor offers, are quickly stolen by this man, and repeated to others suggesting he is the one who thought of it. This used to really get to Viktor but after a while, he just gave up on trying to make sure others knew the truth. He has given himself the title of ghost. In other words, no one ever seems to hear him, nor does he receive the proper credit for the work he does. The job is a dead-end for him, he hates everything about it and does not put forth the effort he used to. Amazingly though, it never seems to affect his work outcome, which still tends to rank higher than what his peers produce.
“Why aren’t you excited? This is a marvelous piece of work!” Travis says with great excitement as he pats Viktor on the back.
“Probably because when I’m here, I’m dead.” Viktor states as he picks up his phone again completely unenthused by his managers statement.
“Ha ha ha! You are so funny man.” Travis says as he scurries off like a rat to study the proposal so he can present it as his own masterpiece.
“Moron.” Viktor says under his breath as he pulls up the page he was reading before the trivial interruption.
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Doors To Mirrors (Excerpt 39) Strong
The strong admiration Nadja already had for Carl just grew a bit bigger as she observed his continued good humor and strength in moving on without the woman he loves. She respects his courage and now feels the mixed up confusing feelings she has for Aaron are rather small and trivial.
“I want to be courageous like Carl, to be happy, even when everything is against me, I want to be strong.” Nadja says as she pinches off a piece of the roll that is somehow still warm. “Yes, I want to be strong.”
“What the hell are you doing Vik?” Booms a voice in Viktor’s ear but not loud enough to startle him.
Without looking up at his supervisor, Viktor continues to read the article he found on seeing doors in dreams. It takes a lot to make Viktor jump or to lose his concentration and his manager continues to stand next to him, waiting for an answer. Viktor clears his throat, swipes his phone for a quick view of the current weather conditions, and then sets it down on the desk of his office cubical.
“Well Travis, I’m reading up on why I may have seen a door in my dream last night.” Viktor says calmly as he looks up at his manager.
“You are supposed to be working on the proposal I gave you to finalize. I have to present it to the group after lunch!” Travis says in a low tone but while gritting his teeth in anger the entire time.
“Yeah, it’s been done for two days.” Viktor says as he pulls a file from his desk drawer and hands it to Travis.
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Doors To Mirrors (Excerpt 38) Checking
With Carl being such a kind man with so much heart, it seems so very rare to Nadja and she does not want to see him sad, but she is unsure in what to do. Carl solves the problem for her though.
“Well I’ve got to run and see how the crew is doing with getting the shipments out.” He says quickly as he turns his attention to business. “Some crazy nut overseas purchased sixty crates of Orange Blossom Blooms soap for his store. Who the hell needs that much of one flavor?” He questions as he animates packing soap into boxes. “I tried to tell him to mix it up a bit, purchase a variety,” he waves his hands in the air, “but no, he said this was his favorite and that is all he wanted.” Carl shakes his head as he holds his hands out to his sides in a questioning manner. “Crazy stuff, huh?” He laughs as he opens the door to the cottage.
“Thank you for checking on me.” Nadja says as she holds the handle of the door. “I hope someday I get lucky enough to find someone just like you.” She grins.
Carl gives her a wink and walks out into the mist that is slowly rising as the sun filters through the gray wisps of low clouds. The gravel under his feet makes a crunching sound and seems to echo in the damp air as he walks down the path and out of sight. Quietly, Nadja closes the door and takes her cinnamon roll to the kitchen.
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Doors To Mirrors (Excerpt 37) Deal
Carl’s rustic house is located near the train station at the end of the trail. Even though he spent most nights at the cottage with his love, they also maintained his residence for guests and family members who may want to take a break from their busy life. As much as Josephine’s cottage resembles her, this rustic gentleman’s house matches him. Carl gently pats Nadja on her back breaking their hug.
“Do you need anything? Food to stock the shelves or wood for the fireplace?” He questions as he looks her in the eye.
“No, I don’t think so but, I really haven’t had time during the day to look around. The kitchen is well stocked, and you taught me how to split wood for the fire.” She grins. “I think I will be fine but if not, I’ll be sure to reach out and call you.” Nadja grins and sticks her hand out for a handshake. “Deal?”
“Ah you are just like your Aunt. That’s how she suckered me into all the chores I had to do.” He grins as he takes Nadja’s hand in his and they both start laughing. “You really are a lot like her, you know that? I hope one day you find the love of your life, someone who deserves you and understands you.” He cups her hand between both of his. “Josie and I were like that, soul mates, meant to be, never had a fight we couldn’t set straight in seconds.”
Nadja watches as Carl’s eyes seem to appear more round than before and she realizes he is about to tear up.
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Doors To Mirrors (Excerpt 36) Loveable
“Oh I am so glad you came to visit!” Nadja says with a smile. “I was beginning to get myself worked up, thinking a prowler might be near.”
Nadja makes this statement as she hides the fact that only one person can make her feel this way and that would be her ex-boyfriend. Somehow, she believes Carl is already privy to her fears but neither one states this nor does it become the topic of conversation.
“I knew from your message you were coming up, so I wanted to check and make sure all is well.” Carl says as he glances at a photograph of Josephine, which happens to be hanging on the wall in front of him. “I knew this would be hard on you, you know, coming here and being alone.” He looks down at his large hands.
“Yes, it seems very strange, but I feel her all around me.” Nadja says of her dear Aunt and Carl nodes his head yes as he continues to stare down.
“Me too, everyday in every way.” He looks at Nadja and smiles, then his expression changes. “Oh! I almost forgot.” Carl reaches into the deep pocket of his jacket and pulls out a medium-sized square paper box. “I brought you a cinnamon roll from Pattie Cakes bakery. Still your favorite, right?” He questions.
“Oh absolutely!” Nadja grins as she takes the item in her hands then gives this big loveable man a hug. “You’ve made me feel so much better, thank you Carl. Thank you very much!”
“Well it’s the least I can do to warm the world up for you. Remember I am only a phone call away, or an hour on foot, okay?” He says happily.
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Doors To Mirrors (Excerpt 35) Together
Just as Nadja is about to peek out at the obscurity of the foggy morning, a face appears in the window startling her to the point of screaming out!
“Oh Nadja! I’m so sorry!” States the familiar voice of her dear aunt’s best friend. “It’s me, Carl.” The elderly man states quickly.
Not only was Carl her Aunt’s best friend, they were lovers for many years but they never married. There was so much adoration between them that Nadja never understood the reasoning behind not taking the final step. It was not until a year ago that her Aunt explained.
“We love each other, pure and simple.” Aunt Josephine stated. “No piece of paper would change that and it is a blessing to know that the one you love stays with you simply because you are you. No contract is binding us and no rules force a union. Our feelings keep us together, our kindness makes us happy, our gratitude and respect for each other makes us strong.”
With her hand across her chest over her rapidly beating heart, Nadja dashes to the door to greet Carl properly. She fumbles with the lock and swings the door open wide as Carl once again bumps his head into the wind chimes.
“Ah the damn thing! I can’t see anything in this fog!” He grumbles until he notices Nadja standing at the open door.
Immediately he wraps his strong arms around her. He is an impressive man, six-foot four, broad shoulders and defined muscles. He is in excellent shape for a man his age and his gentle smile is all Nadja needed to be placed at ease. No longer fearful of where she is, she instantly pulls Carl inside and shuts the door.
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Doors To Mirrors (Excerpt 34) Broken
Placing the photo back in its place, Nadja proceeds to pick up her trunk and backpack from where she dropped them the day before. Walking over to her bed in the guest room, the bed where she slept each summer, the very room that holds so many fond memories, she tosses her belongings onto the beautifully sewn quilt.
“It is time to get settled and to stop thinking negative thoughts about myself. For instance, how stupid I am to have fallen in love with a man like Aaron, or how lame it is for me to want him to come after me, a changed man full of love for me.” She laughs at her own comment. “Right, as if that would ever happen.”
Again, she holds back tears, shaking her head with disgust at herself for still caring. She actually misses him and this confusion of what she is doing and what she wants, keeps tugging at her fragile emotions.
“What on earth has he done to me? Why am I so broken?” She says softly and this time, there is no stopping the flow as she breaks down and begins to cry.
Sitting on the bed, she holds her face in her hands as she lets it all go. Her head is pounding with fierce pain as the sound of her heartbeat pulses in a heavy rhythm in her ears. The lump in her throat has tightened and she feels that if she cannot calm herself down then soon she will not be able to breathe. Her low moment quickly comes to a halt when she hears the wind chimes hanging just outside the front door ring loudly as if someone stepped into them. This shakes the silence right out of the air.
“What was that?” Nadja states as she quickly stands up and looks in the direction of the window to her room.
All she has to do is look out the glass to the right and see who or what caused the chimes to sound, but she finds herself frozen. She is so isolated here in the mountains now that she is alone. When her Aunt was alive, Nadja always felt safe and loved, but now at this moment, she feels vulnerable and in imminent danger. What will happen to her if Aaron is here? What will he do when she opens the door?
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Doors To Mirrors (Excerpt 33) Fog
The little cottage is old but not by any manner in disrepair. Nadja’s Aunt was very tidy and kept the place cozy and rustic, yet with as many modern amenities as possible. The wiring for the electricity should not be a source of the problem. Nadja is trying not to over think this but in her current state of mind, she worries if Aaron has found her and is possibly trying to frighten her into leaving the cottage. This of course would cause her to run back to him for security.
“That will never happen.” She says to herself as she slides off the bed and walks over to the window. “But, it would be nice to know he misses me, if he even does.”
There is a gray fog hanging low in the air. The view stretches only as far as the little picket fence in the yard, which is barely ten steps away from the house. The large old trees are not visible in this misty abyss, neither is the trail that leads down the ridge toward the train station. It is as if the world ends just outside the door to the cottage.
“Oh I am so confused. I’m scared to death Aaron will come after me, but in a way. . . I wish he would.” She mutters as she frowns and tears well up in her eyes. “What is wrong with me? Why am I feeling this way?” She questions as she steps into the main room of the cottage.
She turns and looks toward the small fireplace at the back of the room. Sitting atop the mantel is a photograph of her with her aunt. They are holding each other in a tight embrace while sitting on a large boulder near a small waterfall. It is now that she begins to smile.
“You would set me straight right here and now, Auntie.” Nadja says in her normal tone. “You wouldn’t let me stoop to such a low level as to go crawling back. You always made me feel strong and you were never blunt about it, somehow you managed to help me realize the right things on my own.” She takes the photograph into her hands. “I miss you and I need help, but I don’t know where to get it.”
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Doors To Mirrors (Excerpt 32) Dim
In the dark bedroom at the cottage, Nadja rolls onto her right side as she awakens with a jolt. There was a sound or something that triggered her mind to become alert, and fear is now pulsing through her veins. The room is shadowy and in her hand is a journal, but not one of hers. It is the last book her aunt added passages to and Nadja now realizes where she is.
“Aunt Josephine’s room.” She says to herself in a whisper.
After she cleaned up the kitchen and put away the uneaten slices of pizza, she remembers coming into her Aunts bedroom and lying down across the bed. She knows she turned the bed lamp on and opened her aunt’s journal that was lying next to it. However, the light is not on now and she does not remember turning it off or reading from the journal.
“Wow, I must have fallen asleep immediately because I do not remember actually doing anything in here.” Nadja mumbles as she rubs the sleepy thickness from her eyes.
A very dim glow is filtering in through the thin lace curtains on the window as Nadja stays still and quiet allowing her eyes to adjust to the vagueness of the room. Slowly she reaches up to click the lamp on and realizes the bulb has burst.
“That must be what woke me up.”She says as she pulls her hand away from the warm metal base. “It’s still warm from the bulb, but why did it break?”
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Doors To Mirrors (Excerpt 31) Composed
Viktor really has no idea what he will do with his time off. He is thankful not to have to report to work, but with little money to spare, he figures he will be bored witless sitting in his apartment playing video games and listening to music. Unfortunately, this is how he spends most evenings after work anyhow, so the excitement he should have about free time off is simply not at a high level for him.
“Doors that I open create other doors.” Viktor murmurs to himself as he waits at the stoplight. “I don’t understand what this is supposed to mean. There is the old saying that when one door closes another door opens, is that what my mind is thinking?”
He is in such deep thought he fails to notice the light has changed from red to green. In a loud obnoxious manner, the driver of the car behind him blows his horn and yells something unrecognizable out his window at Viktor. Without stooping to this man’s level, Viktor steps on the gas and moves forward in a calm and composed manner.
“I do not understand why everyone has to be so rude, god I wish I could move away from here.” Viktor says as he glances at his rearview mirror to observe the car behind him. “I really hate people.”
It is not that Viktor is an angry or depressed person, he is simply tired of all the hatred, stupidity and lack of concern others have for the individuals around them. The world seems to be getting colder by the minute and he feels worn out by the negativity that appears so prevalent in almost every person. However, when in the business of serving others with great customer service, he brightens his smile and does all he can to change the behavior of those he works around. Unfortunately, this process in itself, of trying to be upbeat at all times but with vague results, can begin to wear a person down.
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Doors To Mirrors (Excerpt 30) Change
The pressure is low but the rush of water feels good on Viktor’s skin as he leans back, letting the warmth drench his thick dark hair. Steam is quickly filling the room as he goes about his morning routine but the thoughts of the door behind the door in his dream is rather prominent in his mind. He wonders where this new doorway leads and what does this have to do with the recurring dreams he has grown so accustomed too? They have been the same all this time, but now something has triggered a very interesting change, and he is dying to see what he will find behind this new entrance.
With a good rinsing of soap and shampoo, Viktor shuts the water off and grabs the towel that is hanging over the shower curtain rod. He quickly rubs it on his head to dry his hair before stepping out onto the bath rug where he finishes drying his body. Swiping the towel across the mirror to clear the mist, he once again looks at himself and makes a comment.
“You again? I’ll never be rid of you, will I?” He mumbles as he flips the towel back across the curtain rod to dry.
With no coffee and damp hair, he gets dressed and quietly opens his apartment door, steps out into the open corridor, and securely locks the door behind him. His mission, at the moment, is to grab anything he can that is loaded with caffeine. He drives to the nearest convenience store and purchases three energy drinks, which he knows is not a healthy choice, but it does the trick of waking him up fully.
“Just make it though this week and you’re off on a much deserved vacation.” He says in a grumble as he finds himself in bumper-to-bumper rush hour traffic.
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Doors To Mirrors (Excerpt 29) Himself
This morning, however, Viktor is a bit drawn and feeling rather disenchanted. His alarm woke him from a very interesting portion of his dream and now all he wants to do is, return to his bed, forget the day, and pick up in his night tryst where he left off. He has been repeating the same scenes over every night for quite some time now, months in fact, but this time he stumbled upon a quizzical option. He opened a door to a room, very simple and often done. Yet this time, when he closed the door after entering the room, another door appeared on the wall right where the real door had touched it! Just as he was about to turn the handle to this mysterious new entrance, the alarm blared in like a foghorn on an old ship violently pulling him into the waking world.
“Damn it!” He grumbles as he realizes he is out of coffee. “Oh this day just needs to be abolished.” He says as he tosses the empty coffee container into the overflowing trash can. “Yeah and I need to empty you too!”
As if trying to make a point, the coffee can then tumbles out onto the floor. With a frown on his face and his hair a mess, Viktor drags himself to the shower where he turns the handle to the hottest setting letting the water flow. Brushing his teeth, he looks at his reflection and makes an evil face as he spits out the toothpaste.
“Oh yeah? And just what are you going do about it?” He says to himself as he lets the white paste drip from his mouth, which causes him to grin. “You need a vacation.” He points to himself.
Turning his attention to the running water of the shower, he pulls back the clear curtain allowing a thick fog of steam to enter the room. He quickly adjusts the temperature of the water, steps out of his black and grey striped boxer briefs, and eases in under the warm streams pouring out of the shower head.
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Doors To Mirrors (Excerpt 28) Giggle
Viktor tries very hard to be quiet in his movements and even watches television and searches the internet with headphones on. However, it seems the other dwellers here have no sense of courtesy to others. He once told a friend that he does not understand why his neighbors slam their doors shut when they come home in the evening. Do they hate their apartment so much they come in with an attitude? His friend just laughed but Viktor was serious.
“Is life so hard you must let everyone around you know you’re home and very unhappy about it?” Viktor jests as he animates the slamming of a door. “I hate my life and I especially hate you. . . door!”
Of course, this caused his friend to chuckle at such a truthful observation. In no way could he offer any other explanation for such a boisterous entrance. One thing is for certain, in being friends with Viktor, you might as well plan on repetitious laughter. His absurd sense of wit and views on everything tend to leave his friends and acquaintances with questions and a good giggle.
To make things even worse, Viktor never forgets a thing. Years may have passed but at the right moment, he will bring up some silly incident that will have a group of individuals rolling on the floor in hilarity at what they themselves had actually witnessed but since forgot.
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Doors To Mirrors (Excerpt 27) Research
The musical tune of Viktor’s alarm wakes him from a deep sleep as he fumbles around for the button to shut it off. It is still dark outside during this early morning hour and he lies back, resting his head against the thick white pillow.
“Monday, god I hate Monday.” He mumbles to himself as he stares up at the pale colored ceiling.
His eyes are watery and red from only a couple of hours of sleep. Most of his night was devoted to research and trying to understand where it is he travels during his dreams. He recognizes the place, as if he has been there before, which when he thinks about it, he has. Very often, at least once or twice a week for the past several months, he finds himself on the same street and in the same buildings. The massive structures seem average at first but then as he moves about, they seem to expand and the areas he finds are full of stairs and doorways that lead on and on into other rooms and corridors.
“I would love to live in a place like that.” He says as he sits up with his feet now off the bed and planted firmly on the carpeted floor of his bedroom.
From one of the apartments near him, he hears water running and the closing of a drawer. He cannot tell if this is the person next to him or below him, but it is the same routine each day. The water, the toilet, drawers and hair dryers, car horns and alarms, the sound of doors slamming shut, and the dry cough of the smokers out on their balconies with their first cigarette of the day.
“I have got to get out of here.” Viktor mumbles as he quietly walks to his kitchen.
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Doors To Mirrors (Excerpt 26) Warped
In looking at the situation, Nadja found it very unfortunate that Aaron failed to realize how strong his father truly was in this. To stand down, step away and retreat when he could have easily lashed out, yelled back and forced the issue. Instead, he maintained his self-control, a quiet demeanor, and continued to love the woman he knew he would lose far sooner than he ever expected. The old man knew how wonderful she once was and understood how the medications affected her, even at her worst he never gave up on her. When she passed, he took to drinking and even though Aaron was now a man living on his own, he once again took aim at his father who he felt groveled in fragility and self-pity.
Nadja knows Aaron’s warped interpretation of his parent’s relationship seeped deep into him. He talked about how, at an early age, he created a tough arrogant persona so no one would mistake his strength and power. He continually blames his mother for everything that may have gone wrong and in turn, he will never have the ability to experience a genuine loving relationship. Nadja knows he will never relax and let his true emotions show especially to a lowly female. With his staunch behavior, it is doubtful he would be able to recognize honest loving emotions in the first place but she dare not state her opinion. She never said anything to contradict his statements or to anger him, and he does not realize not even to this day, how he is now in his mother’s negative role. In an innocent way, Nadja believed she could save Aaron from himself and this crosses her mind still today.
Aaron enjoys the fear he puts into people much as a wild beast obtains the taste for blood. He uses their fright against them and to his advantage in every way possible by holding their emotions hostage. The apprehension Nadja has of him is very real and accurate. If he sees her leaving as a nuisance or if he believes it to be an embarrassment to him, what will he do to her? How far will he go to shut her up? Will she learn firsthand, in the same manner that he manipulated her personal life, that Aaron is the type of man who can very easily make people disappear?
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Doors To Mirrors (Excerpt 25) Generalize
Without responding to the message and feeling down for not doing so, Nadja signs out of the blog site and sets her phone to the side. She takes her plate to the counter next to the oven, where she quietly sets it down. Slicing off two more pieces of pizza, she returns to her seat at the tiny table next to the wall and eats her meal in solitude.
What event or situation is it that can cause a man to despise women? Nadja thinks to herself. Not just one particular individual, but all women simply because they are women. There are people in each and every life who do wrongful deeds causing the victim to carry distaste for that one specific person for many years if not a lifetime. However, to generalize and be cruel to all women in such a manner is different.
The image of Aaron’s face and his behavior drifts into Nadja’s mind. His hazel expressive eyes took her in immediately and the little natural pout he has due to the slightly protruding bottom lip, was endearing. As they were getting to know each other, he was very open about his childhood and of being the youngest son to a mother who was terribly ill and a father who never crossed her. He said his father was weak by letting his wife walk all over him and he would never stand up for himself. In researching the medical condition Aaron’s mother endured, Nadja was astonished and believes this woman was in constant pain and highly medicated due to the disabling disease that was destroying her body and mind.
Even with Aaron’s twisted explanation, is sounded to Nadja as if his father did all he could to back down and not upset his wife fearing he would cause her more heartache. It seems obvious the older man felt guilty he could not help the woman he loved. He could do nothing to alleviate the pain and suffering she was under and had been experiencing all those years, so he gave in to every whim. According to Aaron, with his father appearing so feeble and pathetic, he swore no woman would ever control him in such a manner. He actually admitted to despising his mother for living as long as she did.
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Doors To Mirrors (Excerpt 24) Worthy
“Perhaps I should clarify.” Viktor states rather swiftly. “What I mean is, maybe you can help me with some research on a problem dream I am encountering.”
Still very hesitant and uncertain of this conversation, Nadja does nothing. With her current feelings and lack of trust, she fears this man is simply toying with her, as if making fun of her in some way.
The grin across Viktor’s face begins to fade as time passes without receiving a response. He reads over what he wrote fearing he may have said something derogatory or negative, but finds nothing of the kind.
“Hey SoapSuds1920s, I guess you signed off.” He writes but continues in case she is still on or signs back in. “Anyhow, if you want to compare the crazy stuff we get ourselves into while dreaming; I’m usually signed on about this time each night. Have a good week.”
Reading this message as it pops up, Nadja realizes VikT1000 appears sincere in his statements. Yet, she cannot bring herself to reply and engage in a deeper conversation with him and to be honest, with anyone for that matter. Her lack of self is crippling in such a way that she cannot fathom anyone truly wanting to know her. All of her friends have slowly drifted away due to her early obsession with Aaron at the beginning of their relationship. In her current state of mind, she does not feel worthy nor does she have the ability to be a friend to anyone.
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Doors To Mirrors (Excerpt 23) Familiar
“VikT1000,” Nadja says aloud as she brings herself out of the depressing memories by recognizing a familiar profile name on the page. She begins to type,
“Hi there VikT1000, you probably do not remember me, but I just wanted to say thank you for helping me decipher a repetitive dream issue I was having a few months ago.”
The note from Nadja pops up on Viktor’s message board causing him to pause in his own search for meanings to his dreams. He reads the note and nods his head up and down as a grin crosses his face.
“I remember you, SoapSuds1920s!” Viktor responds quickly and full of confidence because it is rare for him to forget anything. “Have you disposed of all the pesky spiders?” He questions in another separate response to her.
“LOL! Yes, I have. Good memory!” Nadja replies now in a much better mood than a few minutes ago.
She is shocked that someone actually took the time to remember something, even the slightest detail about her. Especially since this conversation was on a very active message board with many individuals from all around the world.
“Glad to hear it.” Viktor responds. “Perhaps you can pay me back.” He adds.
Surprised and suddenly nervous by this reply, Nadja pauses and is unsure if she should answer or quickly sign out of the site. She does not feel comfortable with his statement. Why would she need to pay him back? Exactly what does he mean by using this term? Her loss of self has allowed paranoia to seep its way into all aspects of her thinking.
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